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Celebrity Snog Marry Avoid: Starring Natalie Portman, Matt Bellamy and Jersey Shore

on in Entertainment

By Emma Cheshire

We’re always on the look out for the good, the bad and the ugly in celebsville. But unlike most of the celebrity rags, we’re more concerned with who’s using their canvas bag at the supermarket than who’s been spending a little bit too much quality time with the botox needle. And what better way to put them to rights than by playing our favourite TV show, Snog Marry Avoid?


With a baby on the way and an engagement ring on her finger, life couldn’t get much better for Natalie Portman – except, of course, getting a cheeky snog from Global Cool! Natalie’s engagement bling is proof that even a marriage can be built on being kinder to the world. Hubby-to-be Benjamin Millepied (her dance partner in critically acclaimed film Black Swan) popped the question with one of his best friend’s jewellery masterpieces. For Natalie, Jamie Wolf designed a huge antique diamond surrounded by smaller conflict-free diamonds, set on recycled Platinum. Parts of this ring may be second-hand, but on the run-up to Valentines Day we think it’s a first-rate display of love and green thinking.

Matt Bellamy’s girlfriend Kate Hudson has denied any engagement plans to follow the birth of their child. Well, if she won’t have him, we definitely will! The Muse frontman recently announced that his plans for retirement include moving  permanently to his land in Devon to grow hemp to make paper and material. He will definitely be a 70 year old catch and should be snapped up ASAP.

The Jersey Shore massive are known for all things orange and chavtastic. They may well be loved and laughed at for their behaviour and the unbelievable things that come out their mouths (“It doesn’t come up ‘stripper pole’ on my credit card, right? Cuz my dad would be like what the f*uck”…), but all those sunbeds are not only bad for their skin. Wasting all that energy to be the most orange people on TV, their additional gym memberships and shiny new cars don’t help their image as much as they think. Snooki and the rest of them should try a run along the beach, walking to the shops and going au naturel for a few weeks to find the lean, green machines within them.

What do you think? Tell us we’re wrong in the comments if you like…

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